There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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