did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
