i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
