You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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