My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
