I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
