When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
