We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
