You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
