your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm bleeding and have questions
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
