THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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