I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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