I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
