oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I met the friendliest cop last night
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
