i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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