"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
