I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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