I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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