Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
