You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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