I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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