people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
