Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
