Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
