you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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