You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
