i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just googled if crying burns calories
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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