it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
