Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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