it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
