Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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