I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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