She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
