my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
