I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
