Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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