My Higher Power is John Stamos
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
