Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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