i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
