bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
