You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
