You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm really into asian looking animals
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Found the puke drawer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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