R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
