so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he just fucked me for my cheese..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
