There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
