What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
