omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
