I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
