the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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