i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
