I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
