all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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