You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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