ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize