yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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