Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize