and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
