I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
