I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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