My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
