I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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