i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
