How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
