Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
