elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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