I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
