Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
