I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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