Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
