Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
