She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
