i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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