You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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