either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
