just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
