You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
