I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize