the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize