Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
