I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
