if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
