Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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