White coat. Heels.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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