oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
