I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i think im in europe. pls send help
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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