She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Mom said you looked used
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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