Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
