I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
