Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize