well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
