Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
