went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
